Recognising red flags early: Key lessons on relationships from It Ends With Us

It Ends With Us, the recent movie adaptation of Colleen Hoover's bestselling novel, takes viewers on an emotional journey, delving into the complexities of love and the critical importance of recognising red flags in relationships. Through the protagonist's poignant experiences, the story imparts valuable lessons on identifying toxic behaviours, summoning the courage to break free and embracing the significance of self-worth.

The movie offers an intense exploration of a harrowing reality—physical abuse in relationships, a painful experience that many endure. Through Lily's journey, the film sheds light on the often-overlooked red flags and subtle signs that can escalate into more severe issues. The lessons embedded in this narrative are vital for anyone navigating the complexities of dating and relationships, reminding us of the importance of awareness and self-protection. (Also read: Dating red flags: 7 telltale signs you're in a relationship with a narcissist )

Shahzeen Shivdasani, Relationship Expert & Millennial Author of the book Love, Lust and Lemons, shared with HT Lifestyle five essential relationship lessons we can learn from It Ends With Us.

1. Trust Your Instincts

Lily suppresses her feelings and ignores the instincts that keep telling her something isn't right in this relationship. We revisit the scene where she first met Ryle, and he angrily kicked a chair. She recalls this later in the movie, emphasising that those early red flags can become significant issues later on. This underscores the importance of trusting your gut feelings. If something feels "off," it usually is—your nervous system is warning you and trying to keep you safe.

2. Don't Lie to Yourself

Often, when caught up in a relationship, we hold on to the fantasy so much that we escape reality completely. Even when someone, including ourselves, tries to bring us back, we may ignore it because the fantasy feels safer. Throughout the movie, we see Lily lying to herself about Ryle's behaviour until the abuse escalates to a point where she can no longer deny it. Don't lie to yourself. The moment you notice this type of behaviour, learn to walk away. It doesn't stop. This is a deep-rooted issue in the other person that requires therapy, and no one should be dating them while these issues are present.

3. Trauma is Not an Excuse

Ryle's past trauma is presented as an explanation for his violent behaviour. While trauma does shape who you are and can cause severe issues, it should not be used as an excuse to stay in an abusive relationship. That is their issue to work on. If you stay, their unresolved trauma can cause harm to you.

4. Your Safety Comes First

Lily's ultimate decision to leave and start over for herself and her child, despite her love for Ryle, delivers an important message we all need to learn. Recognising that your mental and physical health must always come first is crucial. No relationship, no matter how deeply you love someone, is worth sacrificing your safety for fleeting moments of happiness.

It Ends With Us offers deep insights into the complexities of relationships and the critical importance of recognising abusive red flags that can easily be overlooked. By understanding the patterns associated with abuse, we can better protect ourselves from falling into such relationships. And even if you do—because it can happen to anyone—the strongest message in this movie is that you should walk away.