Turning 30 with Friends: How the sitcom helped a generation deal with adulting

I'm pretty sure if you're a fan of the seminal sitcom, you would've attempted the “Which Friends character are you” quiz umpteen times, usually to varying results. That's because at different stages of life, we're a new Friends character – sexy yet childish like Joey, brainy yet clumsy like Ross, wise but tepid like Chandler, kind yet eccentric like Phoebe, generous yet obsessive like Monica, and sweet yet entitled like Rachel. '90s kids like me have all grown up with them – in that initially messy, eventually perceptive fashion.

(Also Read: Friends creators say 30th anniversary celebration is ‘a little fraught’ after Matthew Perry's death)

The One Where They All Turn 30

Remember Episode 17 from season 7? The One Where They All Turn 30. It's Rachel's (Jennifer Aniston) 30th birthday, and she just wouldn't come out of her room even though everyone else screams in joy outsider, waiting with gifts and balloons. “Can I have all these presents and still be 29?” she says after stepping out finally. At a time when all my friends are turning 30 (and I was the first to get there, mind you), that Friends episode feels like group therapy.

Like my friends, the characters of Friends also have different reactions to them hitting the three-decade milestone. Joey (Matt LeBlanc), who was the first one to turn 30 in the group (not technically, as we find out later), just sulks very audibly with “Why, God why – we had a deal!” rants. His whining continues even on Chandler's birthday, who turns 30 next. The otherwise self-assured Joey can't get a grip on himself for months from his birthday to Chandler's. The smooth “How you doin's” or the (over)confident dialogue delivery on Days of Our Lives go swiftly out of the window.

It's quite a contrasting response to that of Ross (David Schwimmer), who in his defense, gets a flashy red car as a “practical purchase” on his 30th. He's high on borrowed reckless youth as he revs up the engine, even though he can't paint the town red, since his car would just not wriggle out of the tight parking spot. For Ross, a proud palaeontologist, the cherry red car comes as a flashy wrapping paper on his otherwise dead-as-dinosaur adulting life. It's more of a red flag and an equivalent to the deceptive yet painful “I'm fine-s” he dishes out earlier when he finds out about Monica and Chandler's affair.

Speaking of Monica, the perpetually organised chef and homemaker turns up completely drunk to her surprise 30th birthday party. Age is not a napkin set that she can arrange orderly on her dining table. And Monica doesn't know how to get around things she can't get ahead of – so she drinks, makes a fool of herself in front of her friends and family, before passing out in the middle of the party. Haven't we all turned to the dreaded bottle to escape the forced mundanities of our lives? But for the prim and proper Monika to do so? That takes a different level of trauma.

One would imagine turning 30 would've been the most seamless transition for Phoebe, given she doesn't give two hoots to life. In fact, her only goal before she turns 30 is to cover 1 mile on a hippity-hop. However, when she finds out from her twin sister Ursula that she's actually 31, the world comes crashing down on her. “I haven't met any Portuguese people, not had the perfect kiss, or signed up for sniper school,” that's quite an odd yet fitting list for someone who doesn't take life seriously. Even though her goals might sound like resolutions made on a drunk New Year's Eve night, not checking them off the list would still irk a little.

Coming to terms with life

Meanwhile, Rachel's goals are strictly conventional. She wants to have three kids – the first one at the age of 35, so getting married at 33, 1.5 years to plan her wedding, and 1.5 years to get to know her prospective husband. So she should already be with the guy she wants to tie the knot with – and her then-boyfriend Tag isn't him. She sits him down and breaks up with him, telling that he's just a kid who's freaking out at turning 25. “If I want to have just two kids, can I keep him for another year?” Rachel asks her friends wishfully after breaking the news to him.

But that's what every episode of Friends feels like – it's designed as a miniature version of life. Start with a misunderstanding, spend 15 odd minutes with everyone trying to bury it so that they don't hurt their friend, and end with them coming out clear, leading to a bittersweet resolution. That's the template Friends followed – ensuring that there's a relatable arc in every episode. Rachel turning 30 isn't a misunderstanding, but the harsh truth. But coming to terms with that by making a difficult yet important decision signifies character growth.

It takes us back to the very first episode, which released on this date – September 22 – 30 years ago. When the others take the runaway bride Rachel under their wing, they also convince her to chop off her credit cards. Monica welcomes her with the pep talk, “Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're going to love it.” If you come to think of it, that's exactly what each episode of Friends, and the show in general, has stood for over the 10 seasons it ran for. That one is allowed to crib, fumble, and fall, but then one must get up, dust themselves off, and walk again. The quick resolutions are escapist for sure, but the white lies also make the show undoubtedly universal.

Now that the cast of Friends are in their late 50s or early 60s (Lisa Kudrow eldest, Jennifer youngest), it's still life-affirming to see them reunite whenever they do. After Mathew Perry's death, we've seen Jennifer Aniston struggling to make sense of Friends rewatches, but we've also seen Lisa finally watch Friends (for the first time!) in his memory. The one where one of them dies is the harshest life or adulting could've been to them, but given the legacy of what they've created together, I'm pretty sure that whenever they regroup now, they must be cracking a Chandler Bing joke or two. “Could life BE any more sad?”