Book Box | How to stay calm

There’s Neha (name changed) who doesn’t believe in her ability to succeed. All her life, her parents have compared her to other people’s high-achieving children. She’s doing okay in her academics but she is stressed about her summer internship interviews. Some nights she has trouble falling asleep, and recently she had a panic attack, where she had difficulty breathing. I tell her about Breath by James Nestor — it’s a fantastic book that uses the science of breath to help calm you, and make you healthier and more functional — all simply through breathing right. I also recommend another book I have found very useful on many counts — Tools of Titans, which is a companion book to the Tim Ferriss podcast of the same name. Ferriss has a TED talk too, on how to deal with anxiety.

Sarthak (name changed) has very low trust in people. His father abandoned their family when he was just ten years old. At home, at his previous job, and now in business school, Sarthak finds it difficult to say no to anybody. He ends up getting overwhelmed. His anxiety score on his big five psychometric test is 92 on 100.

“Does everyone have such high scores?“ Sarthak asks me. The answer to this is sadly yes — anxiety is everywhere, especially among young people in their teens and twenties, who are being pushed constantly to achieve more and more, and who end up feeling inadequate as they scroll through their social media feeds. Little wonder that one of this year's most popular non-fiction books is The Anxious Generation by Jonathon Haidt.

Back to Sarthak, we look at some practical ways he can reduce his anxiety and feel less overwhelmed, by asserting his boundaries and learning to say no. As a former people pleaser, this is familiar territory for me. Two books that helped me were Boundaries by Katherine Anne and Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No by Herbert Fensterheim, and I share a few techniques I picked up from these.

At home, my daughter is writing her college application essays. The whole process has made her anxious and this anxiety rubs off on me. Typical life, you might say, and you would be right — anxious children, anxious parents. Anxious students. Anxiety everywhere.

As if this were not enough, I go one step further, reading a set of books that make me more anxious. But that’s another story, for another day. For now, I am making a list of feel-good books, which I shall have for you soon — starting with Welcome to the Hyunam-dong Bookshop.

What about you dear Reader? What do you read when you are anxious? Do send some recommendations. And until next week, wish you relaxing reading.

Sonya Dutta Choudhury is a Mumbai-based journalist and the founder of Sonya’s Book Box, a bespoke book service. Each week, she brings you specially curated books to give you an immersive understanding of people and places. If you have any reading recommendations or suggestions, write to her at [email protected]

The views expressed are personal

Books referred to in this edition of Book Box:

Breath by James Nestor

Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss

The Anxious Generation by Jonathon Haidt

Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin: How To Recognize And Set Healthy Boundaries by Katherine Anne

Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No by Herbert Fensterheim and Jean Baer

Welcome to the Hyunam-dong Bookshop by Hwang Bo-reum and Shanna Tan